Carisbrooke College 3 – 1 Medina College
(Year 10 Local Derby, otherwise known as “The Battle of Newport”)

Carisbrooke’s Year 10 boys produced a dominant display to claim bragging rights over their  neighbours Medina, running out 3-1 winners in a match full of goals, grit, and questionable hairstyles. This was an important win as it keeps their 100% unbeaten record going this season and leaves them on 7 points after three games.

The opener came from James, who volleyed home at the back post after Riley’s “never say die” sprint down the touchline. In truth, Riley looked like a man who’d lost his bus fare and was chasing it down the pavement, but it worked. 

James wasn’t done there. Minutes later he doubled the lead with a strike into the top corner from 12 yards. Rumour has it the ball is still travelling.

Medina did manage to claw one back with a penalty awarded when Josh lunged in with the kind of tackle more suited to a WWE Royal Rumble. The ref pointed to the spot, the Medina striker converted, and Josh immediately pretended he’d got all of the ball. Unfortunately, none of the crowd agreed and the sound of shin on shin is still echoing its way across the Solent.

But just as the tension started to creep in, Zach arrived at the back post like a stealth bomber, tucking away Carisbrooke’s third to seal the derby.

At the back, Jack and Taylor were absolute walls, nothing got through. Jack even fancied joining in up front at one point, nearly scoring himself, while Taylor gave off strong vibes of someone who secretly enjoys heading bricks for fun. Out wide, William and Josh shut down every Medina attempt, with Josh swapping bone-shattering tackles for marauding wing play at times.

In midfield, Jacob pulled the strings like a young Pirlo, pinging balls across the pitch as if he was getting paid per yard. Sadly, his finishing was closer to row Z than Zinedine Zidane, but we’ll let him off. Logan, meanwhile, looked like a prime Wayne Rooney, gliding past defenders, muscling through challenges, and then having the vision to thread through passes that most Premier League midfielders would miss.

Toby did his best Michael Carrick impression, winning everything in the air and looking calm even when chaos reigned but his shooting today belongs on a rugby union pitch. Mohammed recorded the most touches in the game, mainly because he takes seven touches before releasing the ball, but hey, quality over speed, right?

Warrick came on and did about four jobs at once, midfield, defence and probably even checking tickets on the gate to make sure Carisbrooke stayed solid. On the wing, debutant Kameran worked like a horse, whipping in dangerous crosses and covering every blade of grass.

At the back, goalkeeper Archie had safe hands all game, dealing with everything without fuss. No blame on him for the penalty, not even Gordon Banks would’ve stopped that. And finally, Riley put on yet another masterclass down the right.

Final whistle: Carisbrooke 3, Medina 1.

Carisbrooke remain the kings of the Island derby.