Commentary brought to you by: Jeff Stelling, Gary Lineker’s grin, and that one dad who shouts “GET IT OUT!” every 3 seconds.  If Claudio Ranieri had been hiding in the bushes at Medina College on Thursday 2nd October, he would have thought he’d gone back in time to Leicester’s miracle season of 2016.  This is how the game went....

Kick-off!

Medina won an early penalty. The ref points to the spot like he’s auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing. Medina slotted it home: 1–0. Carisbrooke fans gasp. 

But fear not… the comeback is brewing.

1–1 Corner to Carisbrooke. Kenan whips it in like a Mahrez magic trick. Up leaps Albi who is basically N’Golo Kanté with a ladder and thunder-thumps a header in. Cue shouts of “GET IN THERE, LADS!” from the sidelines. Albi was a star throughout and constantly drove his team forward like a Tsunami of attack after attack.

2–1 Kenan himself turns into prime Mahrez again.

2–2 Medina equalise against the run of play. A cruel twist. The ref signals the goal while nervously checking if he still has a lift home.

3–2: Enter Jenson, our very own Wes Morgan. Ball drops on the edge of the box. Bang. Screamer. Crowd goes wild. Medina defenders: “But he’s a centre-half?”  

⚽ 4–2, 5–2, 6–2 And now it’s time for the Reuben Show. He’s Jamie Vardy after three cans of Redbull and a bag of Haribo. Hat-trick in record time. 

⚽ 7–2 Caleb, channelling Danny Drinkwater (but actually good), smashes one in. Somewhere, Claudio Ranieri whispers “Dilly Ding, Dilly Dong.”

⚽ 8–2 Just before half-time, super-sub Thomas (aka Marc Albrighton in disguise) taps in another. Half-time whistle blows. Carisbrooke jog to the sidelines like they’ve just popped down Tesco for meal deals.

Throughout the first half and when brought back on in the second half, Harry-James at left back is turning into Christian Fuchs but with the stamina of a Duracell Bunny.

And of course, in goal: Jack. Calm. Commanding. Basically Kasper Schmeichel if Kasper also had to do geography earlier in the day.

Harry at right back? Solid as Danny Simpson, but with better passing.

Thomas (Demarai Gray), Ayrton (Robert Huth), Harry (Andy King) all thrown into the mix like Ranieri’s famous “tinkerman” routine and complete a splendid performance.

Seb up top, big Shinji Okazaki vibes, almost sneaks one.

Tommy the backup keeper does his best Mark Schwarzer impression standing there looking heroic while not having to make a save.

Medina scraped one back.

Final score: 8–3.

Post-match scenes

Carisbrooke players celebrate like they’ve just won the Premier League. Head Coach Mr Fleming nods approvingly and looks starstruck (Newcastle fans don't usually score so many goals in a season yet alone in a game) along with Assistant Manager Josh (Craig Shakespeare) who was excellent at carrying the water, bag of footballs and just general tactical maestro in Mr Fleming's ear.

And as for the Year 7 boys? They’ve written themselves into Carisbrooke folklore. Leicester 2016… move aside. This is Carisbrooke 2025 and with it Carisbrooke College take the Football equivalent of the Ryder Cup against Arch Rivals Medina College having now won 3 games in a row after the U15 boys won last week and our U13 girls earlier in the week took a win home to the Castle. With just two games to go with our U15 girls and U13 boys left to play Medina, hopefully there won't be a final day collapse like the Europeans but even if there is we are still taking the football Ryder Cup home and placing it at the top of the Turret for all to see.